Hello and welcome to another weekend of the Banana Meter! For those not aware of how this works, let me explain it to you. First, our critics check out a film. Then, they rate it on our scale of 0-100%, we gather the percentage from all of your critics and that’s how we get our rating on the Banana Meter.
What is the Banana Meter scale, you ask?
When a film hits above 85% or higher from our critics, it means it hit Bonafide Bananas status.
When a film hits between 55-84% or higher from our critics, it means it hit Ripe status.
When the film hits under 55%, it means it hit Sour Status.
Our next film to hit the Banana Meter is Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Here is what our Ripe Banana Critics are saying about the film:
Amanda Guarragi
Banana Meter Rating: 45%
It’s a sequel that tries to recapture the same essence of the original but falls flat. The characters are hollow and there is absolutely no reason to even root for them. Fans of the franchise will definitely appreciate the kills but at the end of the day, it’s just a recycled story trying to cater to this generation to make it relevant again.
Cassie Hager
Banana Meter Rating: 78%
It starts off shaky – but brutal kills, timely banter, and a solid cast of characters make Texas Chainsaw Massacre a surprisingly well-crafted sequel.
Debopriyaa Dutta
Banana Meter Rating: 30%
Despite featuring tense chase/gore sequences that are fairly well-made, Texas Chainsaw Massacre butchers Leatherface’s legacy in the dullest of ways.
Matthew Fox
Banana Meter Rating: 10%
Imagine if a new Halloween was released and Laurie Strode wandered into the massacre after taking a break from gutting a pig, had no plan, was snubbed by Michael Myers then got killed. That would still be an improvement over what I witnessed because at least you got to see Laurie Strode. This was awful.
Willem Louw
Banana Meter Rating: 39%
Without any real substance, or intrigue in the story and the characters. 2022’s Texas Chainsaw comes off like a well-shot generic one-off slasher film, and not a direct sequel to Tobe Hooper’s original.
Rowan Wood
Banana Meter Rating: 70%
Imagine a compact version of 2018’s “Halloween,” moving at a breakneck pace with little to no character development. It may be short and to the point, but Netflix’s Texas Chainsaw doesn’t mess around and is gory and action-packed enough to satisfy fans of the franchise and newcomers alike.
Larry Chillson Jr.
Banana Meter Rating: 40%
Texas Chainsaw Massacre delivers thrilling, brutal kills! Unfortunately, the characters and script are so bad it’s hard to have fun beyond the brutality. This film definitely wins the award for worst use of a “legacy character” to date, for what that’s worth.
Edward Douglas
Banana Meter Rating: 55%
I hate to be THAT guy, but there’s really no reason for this movie to even exist.
Joe Movie Man
Banana Meter Rating: 70%
The bad buzz attempting to cut through the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre doesn’t pan out for the efficient and surprisingly effective horror sequel now on Netflix. Eighth time might not be the charm, but it will give you a nice jolt.
Jordan Woodson
Banana Meter Rating: 63%
It doesn’t bring anything new to the table, but it’s a short and sweet “requel” that does exactly what it needs to with enough tension and bloodshed to satisfy a horror fan’s appetite for 80 minutes.
Jordan Graham
Banana Meter Rating: 45%
This franchise is one that has had it”s ups and downs and this one isn’t helping to balance the scales. This latest bloody installment just goes further to prove that this franchise ultimately should’ve stayed gone.
Alejandro D Orengo Colon
Banana Meter Rating: 40%
What happens when you run away from your demons, will you always be hunted by them? If you confront them and defeat them, will the go away?
Brett Murphy
Banana Meter Rating: 50%
If you’re looking for violence and gore, then you’re in the right place. If you’re looking for anything more then steer clear. Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) is exactly what you’d expect from this old and tired franchise.
Dallas King
Banana Meter Rating: 19%
On paper, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre could be seen as a success, It is set in Texas and features a massacre with a Chainsaw. However the film fails to understand what made the original so great, lacking the unrelenting terror and gallows humour. Leatherface is back but at what cost? He Chain, He Sawed but he did not conquer.
Hector Gonzalez
Banana Meter Rating: 50%
There’s a large quantity of splatter for the meatheads and gore hounds, and… well… nothing else, really. Nevertheless, Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) is the best sequel/reboot of the franchise, even though saying so isn’t much since their all terrible; it’s also a reminder of how brilliant the 1974 classic is.
Jerome Muscarella
Banana Meter Rating: 36%
Outside of the gore and Elsie Fisher, Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) offers nothing new to the series. It also shows a prime example of what NOT to do with your legacy character.
John Maffeo
Banana Meter Rating: 20%
Devoid of anything worth attaching oneself to for fans of the horror genre, Texas Chainsaw Massacre fails to be an entertaining slasher in the least. Full of hypocrisy and dumb character decisions, I found myself laughing consistently but for the wrong reasons. There are glimmers of fun moments and some fans may enjoy, but I will gladly forget it by the end of the weekend.
Keith Noakes
Banana Meter Rating: 12%
Texas Chainsaw Massacre brings the brutality but is an overall frustrating watch driven by incredible stupidity.
Ryan Wardak
Banana Meter Rating: 5%
The story has interesting concepts that deal with current day Gen-Z problems from school shootings to diversifying an entire town. All of these plot lines go absolutely no where. They’re in this movie to help us relate to this paper weights we call characters.
Shaurya Chawla
Banana Meter Rating: 36%
While it’s beautifully shot, scored and contains a brutal Leatherface throughout, Texas Chainsaw Massacre ’22 falls short in writing, direction and a lack of focus towards its social and political commentary.
What is Texas Chainsaw Massacre Banana Meter Rating?
Ripe Banana 